Section 17.8 Homework: Stylistic Choices
Subsection 17.8.1 Part 1: Sentence Variety
Instructions.
Revise each passage to improve sentence variety and flow.
Example (completed).
Original: The dog ran. The dog was fast. The dog caught the ball. The dog was happy.
Revised: The dog ran fast, catching the ball with ease. Happy with its prize, it trotted back.
The revision combines short, repetitive sentences into varied structures with different lengths and opening patterns.
Exercises.
Exercise 1. Revise this choppy passage by combining sentences and varying length:
The meeting started. The CEO spoke. She announced changes. Employees listened. Some were concerned. Others were relieved. The meeting ended.
Exercise 2. Revise this passage by breaking up the long sentence and adding variation:
The committee, after reviewing all of the applications that had been submitted by the deadline, which was extended twice due to technical difficulties, finally announced their decision regarding the scholarship recipients, including three students from underrepresented backgrounds.
Exercise 3. Read the following passage and explain the effect of the short final sentence:
The negotiations had gone on for weeks, with both sides presenting detailed proposals, offering compromises, and making concessions that seemed to bring agreement within reach. Then they collapsed.
Subsection 17.8.2 Part 2: Active and Passive Voice
Instructions.
For each context, choose active or passive voice and explain your reasoning.
Example (completed).
Context: An email informing a customer about a billing error.
Active: We overcharged your account by $50.
Passive: Your account was overcharged by $50.
Choice: Active voice is better here because it takes responsibility and sounds more direct and honest. The passive version sounds evasive.
Exercises.
Exercise 4. Context: A lab report describing experimental procedures.
Active: We heated the solution to 100°C.
Passive: The solution was heated to 100°C.
Exercise 5. Context: A news article about corporate accountability.
Active: The company made an error that cost millions.
Passive: An error was made that cost millions.
Exercise 6. Context: A memo where the topic is the project, not the team.
Active: The team completed the project ahead of schedule.
Passive: The project was completed ahead of schedule.
Exercise 7. Revise the following passage to reduce excessive passive voice. Change at least three passive constructions to active voice:
The report was written by the committee. It was reviewed by the director. Changes were suggested by several department heads. The final version was approved by the board.
Subsection 17.8.3 Part 3: Information Structure
Instructions.
Revise each pair of sentences to improve flow by moving from given to new information.
Example (completed).
Original: A record-breaking heatwave hit the region. This heatwave was caused by a shift in the jet stream.
Revised: A record-breaking heatwave hit the region. The extreme temperatures were caused by a shift in the jet stream.
The revision starts the second sentence with given information (The extreme temperatures, referring back to the heatwave) and ends with new information (a shift in the jet stream).
Exercises.
Exercise 8. A new policy was announced yesterday. This policy will affect all employees.
Exercise 9. Serious problems were discovered by the auditors. The company had been hiding these problems for years.
Exercise 10. Revise the following sentence to use end-focus to emphasize Maria:
Maria won the scholarship.
Exercise 11. Use extraposition to improve this sentence with a heavy subject:
That the entire infrastructure needed to be rebuilt surprised no one.
Subsection 17.8.4 Part 4: Emphasis and Rhetorical Patterns
Instructions.
Identify the sentence pattern and explain its effect.
Example (completed).
Not until the final vote was counted did the candidate allow herself to celebrate.
Pattern: Periodic sentence (the main clause is delayed until the end).
Effect: Builds suspense and emphasizes the act of celebrating by making the reader wait for it.
Exercises.
Exercise 12. Identify the pattern and explain its effect:
The ship sailed slowly, rocking gently on the waves, its sails catching the afternoon light.
Exercise 13. Identify the pattern and explain its effect:
Despite the rain, despite the cold, despite everything working against them, they finished the race.
Exercise 14. Rewrite the following sentence as a cleft sentence to emphasize the underlined element:
The treasurer discovered the discrepancy.
Exercise 15. Read the two versions and explain how the choice between coordination and subordination changes the emphasis:
A: The budget was tight, and the team delivered on time.
B: Although the budget was tight, the team delivered on time.
Subsection 17.8.5 Part 5: Application
Instructions.
Apply techniques from this chapter to analyze and revise real writing.
Exercises.
Exercise 16. Find a paragraph from something you have written recently (an essay, email, or other document). Revise it by applying at least two techniques from this chapter:
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Varying sentence length
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Adjusting active/passive voice
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Improving given-to-new flow
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Using end-focus for emphasis
Original paragraph:
Revised paragraph:
Techniques applied and why:
Exercise 17. This chapter argues that grammar is about choice, not just correctness. In one to two paragraphs, reflect: How does this perspective change how you think about your own writing? What stylistic choices have you been making unconsciously that you might now make more deliberately?
