Section 19.8 Homework: Organization and Concision
Instructions: Revise each passage to improve given-to-new information flow.
Question 1. A revolutionary design was created by the engineers. Problems emerged with this design.
Revised:
Question 2. Many complications arose during the project. The deadline was extended because of these complications.
Revised:
Question 3. Explain the "given-new contract" in your own words. Why does putting given information first help readers?
Instructions: Cut redundant words and phrases.
Question 4. The basic fundamentals of grammar are essential and necessary for clear writing.
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Question 5. She made a decision to completely finish the project before the final deadline.
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Question 6. In the event that you need assistance, I am able to help you.
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Question 7. We should return back to the original plan that we started out with in the beginning.
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Instructions: Revise each sentence to replace weak nominalizations with stronger verbs.
Question 8. The committee made an examination of the evidence.
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Question 9. We will give consideration to your proposal.
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Question 10. The researchers reached the conclusion that the treatment was effective.
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Question 11. The company made an announcement about the acquisition of its competitor.
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Instructions: Revise each passage for both organization and concision. Apply multiple strategies.
Question 12. It is important to note that due to the fact that there were many problems that arose during the investigation, the investigators made a decision to conduct a thorough re-examination of all of the evidence that was previously collected by the team.
Revised:
Strategies used:
Question 13. At this point in time, it has come to our attention that there are a number of issues that need to be addressed. An investigation will be conducted by the committee. A report on the findings will be submitted by them at a later date.
Revised:
Strategies used:
Question 14. Find a paragraph from your own writing (an essay, email, report, etc.). Apply the "shrink test": try to cut 15-20% of the words without losing meaning.
Original paragraph (with word count):
Revised paragraph (with word count):
What did you cut? Were there patterns in your wordiness?
Question 15. The chapter suggests that concision is not about being brief at all costs—it’s about saying what needs to be said without unnecessary words. In 1-2 paragraphs, reflect: When might wordiness be a problem in your writing? Are there contexts where more formal, elaborate language might actually be appropriate?
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Organize information by moving from given to new.
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Place emphasis at sentence end; place heavy elements at end.
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Create cohesion through repetition, pronouns, and transitions.
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Eliminate wordiness: redundant pairs, empty phrases, unnecessary nominalizations.
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Choose active voice for concision (when appropriate).
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Revise systematically to tighten prose without sacrificing clarity.
